June 04, 2002

Andre Northrup: Poor Mans Blog: The Cornier

2002-06-04: Funny: http://poorman.blogspot.com/2002_05_26_poorman_archive.html#77196914

Andre Northrup wrote this and published it on his blog on Friday, May 31, 2002. Here begins his piece:


Search engines up, counters down. Yeah, that's how I do it here - where the only thing you should expect ... is the unexpected! What am I, the king of HTML, throwing up all kinds of fancy gadgets like it ain't no thing? Could be.

Recently, the NR's "The Corner" was crowned the 3rd-best right-wing blog in a lavish ceremony presented by the Right-Wing News. The Poor Man did not rate, perhaps due to the fact that it contains no news, or that I'm not right-wing, or perhaps because this page sucks Satan's left nut like it's on a mission. In any case, I'm not going to ignore a successful formula, so I'm launching a special Corner-esque feature, where I try to Corner-ize my content to increase my synergistic B2B click-through. As near as I can tell, this involves having incredibly long and tedious minjing sessions where you dispute the hit counters of more successful or ideologically impure commentators. Without any further ado:

The Cornier

THE NEW REPARATIONS DEBATE[J. Nordstrom]

I think that conservative students on college campuses are the unsung heroes of modern America. They are forced to put up with dirty looks from white people with dreadlocks and very wide trousers. Not to be overdramatic, but isn't this really exactly as bad as Blacks had it in the segregated South? Didn't they get their student newspapers burned by hippy anarchists or something? Aren't Universities the new plantations, Professors and long-hairs the new slave masters, and acceptance letters to B-school the new lynching? Anyway, I think we should think about some kind of reparations for the abuses that Young Republicans have had to put up with all these years. Perhaps a national fund that could be used to buy them gift certificates to Tucker Carlson's Maison de Bow-Ties. What'd'ya think?
Posted 3:55 AM | [Link]

RICHARD NIXON RECONSIDERED[Trevor Shropshire]

I became an American citizen hoping to escape the tyranny and oppression of my home country of Great Britain. Hoping to breathe free, out from under the Stalinist yoke of the NHS and the semi-nationalized rail system. And yet, people in this country seem to take these freedoms for granted, even denegrating the people who gave them these freedoms, like Richard Nixon. He gets a lot of bad press, but ever notice how you've never hear about what Bill Clinton was doing at the time. Actually, have you ever seen "Deep Throat" and Clinton in the same room? And Bob Woodward looks suspiciously like Chelsea, if you drink six bottles of sherry and squint. And I do. Liberal media cover-up? Yes.
Posted 3:00 PM | [Link]

MICKEY KAUS - SELL-OUT OR SLUT?[James W. Whitesides IV]

I don't think Mickey Kaus' hit stats are really true. Just a feeling I have. I don't actually know if he keeps stats, but he seems like the kind of person who would engage in nefarious schemes to inflate them. I mean, I'm not "player-hating" here, but he is on Slate. Comments?
Posted 2:27 PM | [Link]

MEC-KA-BOOM![John Whaleburg]

When we nuke the holy sites of Islam, should we use ICBMs or Stealth bombers? Neutron bombs or high-yield H-bombs? Hypothetically. Posted 1:37 PM | [Link]

ANDREW SULLIVAN - HIT COUNTER STAT PADDER![Bill Lorwy]

Can you believe that Andrew Sullivan claims to have gotten 1,231 unique hits last Thursday. Um, Andrew ... I visited your site twice, from different computers! So why don't you try 1,230 on for size. You deceitful ex-pat traitorous liar!
Posted 1:20 PM | [Link]

SLATE - OF PHONEY TRAFFIC STATS![James W. Whitesides IV]

Slate claims to get 3 million different hits a year. Well, I'm certainly not one to begrudge another's success, but whoop-dee-doo-da! I mean, Slate just gives away all their content free! I mean, so do we, but Slate gives it away on a Microsoft site. If The Cornier was on Microsoft, we'd get like 3 million hits every single day! Probably half the people who go there are fat middle-aged housewives trying to go to MSN's Special Valentine's Day Soft-Focus Soap-Opera Porn Sex Quiz, but too drunk off of Arbor Mist lemon-lime Chardonney at four in the afternoon to hit the right link. And Mickey Kaus is gonna regret it when MS goes under and he lives in a box under a bridge. Maybe he can write his blogs on a cardboard sign he uses to panhandle traffic on the interstate! Try THAT information superhighway, sell-out! Not that I'm jealous at all. And not that there's any such thing as homelessness.
Posted 12:13 AM | [Link]

POSTMODERN WALMART HORROR[Trevor Shropshire]

I was in the Walmart the other day, pricing flags (nothing fancy, just a mid-range one-handed model for discreet waving, such as at cocktail parties or in church), when I noticed a jigsaw puzzle on the discount table. It depicted cute kittens playing with a ball of yarn. Can't get more wholesome than that, right? Wrong! The side panel bore the legend "500 PC PUZZLE - Ages 5+". That's right - 500 PC! In our own discount mega stores, children as young as 5 are being exposed to the corrupting influence of Politically Correct East Coast humanities professors, whose "deconstruction" of a cute image of kittens is merely a gateway to a life of promiscuity, intravenous drug use, Beat poetry, cross-dressing and moral relativism. Maggie would never have let this happened.
Posted 11:41 AM | [Link]

TAP THAT ASS [John Whaleburg]

TAPPED recently has been bragging that they got 10,000 "hits" on May 17th. Yeah, they got "hits" - bong hits! Or maybe hits on the head with the Liar Stick! Pshaw! I'd as soon read that blog as buy the Hillary Clinton All-Nude Oil Wrestling Calendar! Zing! Bang! Whaa-whaa-whaa-zooooooooo!!
Posted 11:11 AM | [Link]
posted by Andrew Northrup | 5:11 PM

Posted by DeLong at June 4, 2002 12:55 AM | TrackBack

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