September 29, 2004

Giblets: No to the Outsourcing of Torture!

Once again, only the indispensable Fafblog! is capable of grasping and enunciating the correct line:

Fafblog! the whole worlds only source for Fafblog.: Giblets is outraged! Congressional Republicans are trying to sneak provisions into the 9/11 Recommendations Implementation Act of 2004 that would legalize the foul practice of "extraordinary rendition" - the transfer of suspected terrorists to other countries to be tortured for information. To pass the bill in this form would be inconceivable - for how can any red-blooded pro-torture Congressman justify outsourcing our nation's torture work when American torturers are losing their jobs every day?

Giblets is a proud supporter of torture. After all, an increasingly pervasive federal government isn't going to be torturing people like you or Giblets - it will be torturing nothing but Very Bad People, or other people who have been foolish enough to share the same ethnic features or religious beliefs as Very Bad People. As a good honest citizen you have nothing to worry about!

Americans should be proud that the state is willing to electrocute our genitals and pull out our nails in order to protect us. But it looks like our lawmakers aren't very proud of this rich new American tradition, approving it in the closet while pushing the labor force out to cheap foreign torturers in Pakistan! If we want to legalize torture, Giblets demands we go all the way and give torture some public, homegrown respect! Giblets wants to see the brave men and women of the 101st US Torture Brigades, Dick Cheney beating prisoners with rods on CSPAN, George Bush standing in front of a pile of naked and bleeding Iraqis under a "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" banner!

Giblets knows that there are some out there who will say, "Oh, but countries like Saudi Arabia and Syria can do torture cheaper and better than we can, why should we try to compete?" Well, Giblets is holding a little something in the thumbscrews of his heart called patriotism, and Giblets thinks American workers can compete with anyone else in the world! Sure, these other countries have been at it longer than we have, but with gumption and stick-to-it-iveness Americans can rise to the top of anything!

Torture is as American as baseball, apple pie, preventive war, the equating of dissent with treason, and the principle of a commander-in-chief who stands above the law. So stand proud, Americans...

Posted by DeLong at September 29, 2004 09:00 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Amen, Fafblog. Who is this (guy?) anyway?

Posted by: martin at September 29, 2004 09:10 PM

Giblets is John Holbo. The Medium Lobster is Belle Waring. Fafnir is ZoŽ. Chris is written by Violet Mai. Okay?

Posted by: Julian Elson at September 29, 2004 09:35 PM

The Medium Lobster is not Belle Waring! That is a canard.

Daniel Davies is, however, The Twin-Lobster Early-Bird Special...

Posted by: Brad DeLong at September 29, 2004 09:59 PM


Must be because of time zones....interrogation analysts will have data when they come in in the morning....

Posted by: venky at September 29, 2004 10:26 PM

Sorry, just could not resist. I was reading the story about Kerry's suntan (http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20040929/ap_on_el_pr/brf_kerry_cheney_2) - big election issue apparently) and noticed that US Vice-President is hiding from Al-Quaeda in the undeisclosed location. And it just hit me: what if the reason we cannot find bin Ladin is because he and Dick Cheney are hiding in the same cave?

Posted by: a at September 29, 2004 11:55 PM

Well, surely Giblets is being a moral imbecile, or at least, lacks the analytical tools he needs to get the correct answers.

Urging his First World readers to join him in boycotting the products of Third World labor, and so virtually smash the racks, thumbscrews and electric cattle-prods that are the best current option of the inhabitants of Desperately Poor Village? Surely, he will be reborn as some crustacean rather than as a Brahmin!

Posted by: rea at September 30, 2004 04:43 AM

GOP: Family, Christianity, Freedom, Torture

One of these kids is doing his own thing
One of these kids is having a ball

Posted by: Nemesis at September 30, 2004 12:16 PM