May 16, 2004

Cooking a Chicken

Something very bad is happening in Moe Lane's kitchen:

Obsidian Wings: A Public Service Announcement.: When the recipe books all tell you that a regular sized chicken can be slow roasted in 3.5 hours, they lie. Oh my droogies, how they ever lie.

He says it took six hours. Is his oven broken? Did he put the bird in frozen?

Ann Marie says that one of the things the children will be taught this summer when they attend Ann Marie's Academy of Academic Excellence and School of Deportment will be how to cook. I'm somewhat fearful.

Posted by DeLong at May 16, 2004 06:06 PM | TrackBack | | Other weblogs commenting on this post
Comments

Aha! Now we know the source of the generic wingnut's problems: they can't cook their own food!

Moe: Cook the completely thawed out chicken[1] in a medium oven (~325) until an electronic thermometer inserted into the deepest part of the bird registers 170F. Extra points if you used a long spoon and some curiously seductive hand action to insert a half a stick of rosemary sage butter betwixt the skin and the meat, including over the thighs and legs.

Temperature is everything! Timing is nothing! Learn this or die!

And now I am free to brag, in the face of all of Brad's reportage on his precocious kids. My 11 year old knows how to make all box food, minces garlic with a chef's knive (but not the 12"), zests citrus with a potato peeler, knows the 3 or 4 major variations on eggs in a skillet, builds chocolate chip cookies from Best Recipes using an overpowered KitchenAid mixer, including the oven bits, Key Lime Pie, and last weekend she taught the visiting 12 year old how to help her use the Marcato pasta maker (unsupervised) to make a lb of spinach linguine. Take that, Elitist Berkeley Professor! (In fun :-). OOPS! Upon review by the Management, I am reminded that the 11 year old knows how to construct authentic miso soup from red miso, whatever source of umami we have on hand, currently bonita extract; firm tofu, and weeds from the sea.

[1] All parts of the bird move freely. No soaking in water of any temp.

Posted by: Russell L. Carter on May 16, 2004 07:22 PM

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I am humbled...

:-)

Posted by: Brad DeLong on May 16, 2004 07:28 PM

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Doesn't slow-roasted generally mean at 300? That's supposed to take all day.

Well, she's not much on bonito flakes, but my eight year old makes terrific yeast-risen bread, good caesar dressing (we call it fish vinaigrette, because don't use eggs) and has a real talent for making marzipan mushrooms to go on woods-themed log cakes.

Posted by: julia on May 16, 2004 08:27 PM

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Julia's right ... the operative word is *slow* roasted. Slow roasting anything takes forever. Usually a lot more than three hours. The idea is to cook it at a slow heat in order to make the meat so soft it'll fall off the bones and you can cut it with a fork. 300 degrees is a bit low, I prefer 325, and you may have to baste in order to keep the meat moist. My mom's favorite trick was to partially cover the bird with tin foil and put celery sticks on top of the bird.

Other people have their own preferences. One additional tangential note, if you want to deep fry a bird you have to let it soak in some sort of sauce for a few days before hand in the fridge. This is especially true if you want to deep dry a turkey like they do in the South. Deep frying typically locks in the juices, but the bird will be tasteless unless you marinate it for about 72 hours prior in some sort of sauce.

I prefer salty-sauce combinations but I've tasted rosemary, thyme, basil, etc. herb marinades in water or vinegar that made excellent marinades.

Posted by: Oldman on May 16, 2004 09:23 PM

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It matters whether the frozen chicken came out of the refrigerator freezer or the long term storage freezer on the back porch. What is the freezer thermostat setting? Does he even understand that his freezer has a thermostat?

Posted by: walter willis on May 17, 2004 12:42 AM

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Brad DeLong writes:
>
> Ann Marie says that one of the things the children will be
> taught this summer when they attend Ann Marie's
> Academy of Academic Excellence and School of
> Deportment will be how to cook. I'm somewhat fearful.

What, too much fodder for this 'blog? :-)

Posted by: Jonathan King on May 17, 2004 05:00 AM

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Brad, perhaps you might audit that part of her course.

Posted by: Chuck Nolan on May 17, 2004 08:58 AM

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This would be one clue that you need a new element for your oven.....

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