February 08, 2003
Daniel Davies's Shorter Stephen den Beste Project

Daniel Davies writes:

As part of my New Year's Resolution to pick a really nasty fight with someone, and as a potential supply of more regular updates, I've decided to become a "watcher." I believe that this was all the rage in weblog circles about a year ago. Anyway, I want to do it, and nobody convinced me that there were better targets for a jihad than Stephen den Beste, so I picked him. It also helps that, as far as I can tell, he's incredibly thin-skinned.... Now, I thought of doing "Smarter Steven den Beste"... [but] people don't necessarily want a Smarter Stephen den Beste. Part of the joy is watching a man who knows nothing about anything except the innards of mobile phones trying to understand a complicated world around him with no sources of information other than the Internet. What people want is a Shorter Stephen den Beste; one that doesn't take about ten thousand words to get from A to halfway through the downstroke of B. So I'll be posting one-sentence summaries of posts on the USS Clueless, on a reasonably regular basis, until I get bored. Here's today's batch:

  • I've never served in uniform.
  • My dislike of the French is independent of any facts about the world.

No thanks, please, I do it for the love.

Update: F*** me, this is gonna be more work than I thought. Here's another one:

  • I have intricate knowledge of the command and control structure of the Iraqi Army, and astonishingly enough, the news is Good For The War Party!

And still further entries:

  • Boy have the French f***ed up, assuming that my predictions of imminent rebellion by French Muslims and a cessation of diplomatic relations with the US are correct.
  • Did I tell you how we could win this without France? Oh, right.
  • After careful consideration, I have reached the conclusion that France would be unwise to enter the Gulf War on the side of Iraq by unilaterally attacking the United States of America. (By the way, I know that some of these summaries have been a bit approximate, but I fucking defy anyone to look me in the eye and tell me that this one isn't basically on the nail. It's a doozy, today's number, it really is. I can't do it justice here; SdB quite literally gets out the copy of Jane's Fighting Ships and does the whole Top Trumps number on what would happen in a shooting war between France and America. As an example of what happens when a clearly intelligent man loses all contact with reality, it's classic Den Beste. One for the connoisseurs.)
  • The Germans are weasels and America is so awash with international allies it can afford to tell them so.
  • Loads of military equipment is moving around and anyone who doesn't want a war is stupid.
  • I have ideas about tank warfare which I believe to be revolutionary.
  • Attack of the Clones is worse than the original Star Wars. (1,104 words in the original!)
  • The Franco-German war alternative is bad.
  • The UN helps terrorists and France is an enemy of the United States.
  • The Franco-German war alternative is bad, but it mind spell domestic political trouble for John Howard and Tony Blair. (3,433 words in the original ? not counting updates).

Posted by DeLong at February 08, 2003 05:18 PM | Trackback

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